My "Conversion" Story & How Our Marriage was Healed

Have you ever gone through bumps in your marriage?  Do you know how normal you are, even if the bumps are much more like mountains?

You don’t hear about the ones who make it…

Normally we only hear about marriages that didn’t make it, but rarely do you know when someone went through a funk and got through it.  We told VERY few people when we went through our struggles because we didn’t want to be under the microscope when we were with family or friends.  I had just a couple close friends and one family member who knew as it was happening, and I don’t think Kent told a soul.  Now we’re totally open about it with anyone who would like to listen because we want to help others who need to know that funks are normal and you won’t always hurt so much.  There is light not so far down the road, maybe just around the next bend.  God can do the impossible, don’t doubt it for a second.  I’ve seen it over and over again.

Here’s what happened in our lives about 14 years ago now…

When our oldest son was 2 years old, Kent & I were so madly in love with him that we focused more energy on him instead of on each other. At the same time, Kent’s job was very stressful and when he’d come home tired, weary and ornery, instead of giving him some empathy and not taking it personal (not easy to do), I would return every jab with venom.  (No one was going to treat me that way!)

Soon this spiraled down into both of us not feeling “in love” with each other anymore. We were in different places though. I felt that it would pass, and knew I’d never want to separate our family and turn our son’s life upside-down. We were BOTH so close to him, I couldn’t imagine either one of us only getting to be with him part time.

Kent, however, wasn’t so sure. At the time he bought into what society said, “Kids are resilient, they’ll come out just fine…” (He knows how wrong that is now.) He was thinking about leaving but never actually voiced it… I just knew.

About this same time, as our lives were spinning out of control and I was crying myself to sleep into my pillow most nights, I happened to talk to my Aunt Karen…

She had been through a very painful divorce years earlier and this brought her to her knees, crying out to God. She now lives her life trying to bring others to the peace she feels knowing Jesus as the best friend who will never leave us. She cried with me and prayed with me and told me that He wanted our marriage healed even more than I did. She pointed me to some good books (including the Bible of course!) that taught me how to be a better wife, to be more self-less, to be the person Kent needed, and how to close my mouth more and pray!

The turning point

Things still weren’t all better between Kent & I, though. I’ll never forget sitting on our living room couch once, with our son playing nearby, and tears running down my cheeks. I calmly said, “If you really want to leave, just go and be done with it.”  Kent said, “But I’m afraid I’ll go and then find out that my problem wasn’t ‘us’ – you’ve been great lately.  I don’t know what’s wrong with me, something is missing.”  I said, “I know what’s missing, Kent.”  He knew what (who) I meant.  We were going to church at the time, but he didn’t have a strong connection with God…yet.

I believe that just getting things out into the open like that and me letting go was our turning point.  (You MUST read “Love Must Be Tough” by Dr. James Dobson.)  It wasn’t long and Kent was reading his Bible, too, and he got to know another Christian guy named Dave, who showed him what it looked like to be a real man in love with the Lord. One day soon after, he told me he quit his job and had no prospects for another. Believe it or not, I was thrilled! The job was way too stressful and he worked too many hours, so I knew this was a great move for our family. Within a week he had a better paying, less stressful job, and with regular hours. I was thanking God like crazy.

Soon things slowly began to heal between us. We got more involved in our church, and found friends that we are still very close to today – they help us through good and bad times, and through all sorts of struggles in our faith, too. We’ve had discussions about things that don’t make sense to us, and we’ve searched out the Truth together. It’s difficult to explain how “right” and good and deep the connections are when you grow together in faith with each other, and with other Christian friends – it is “the abundant life” that Jesus promises when we follow Him.

How different life would be had we given up…

That was 14 years ago! We have 4 kids now, and all that seems like a lifetime ago. I often think of how different life would be had we done what society said was “OK” and gave up when it was difficult. It was the worst thing I’ve ever gone through, yet now I’m thankful it all happened, because it’s what brought me to Jesus.  Our marriage is solid these days (not that we don’t get on each other’s nerves at times!) and through the years God has brought other couples into our lives that we’ve had the chance to try and help through their own tough times and lead them closer to Him.

We feel so thankful that He brought us back.

• Is your marriage in a bad spot? Don’t believe these lies.
• Helpful Marriage/Sex Books- That link has a list of books by Michelle Weiner-Davis.  I’ve only read her book, “Divorce Busting”, and while it isn’t Christian-based, it still made great sense and helped me a lot when Kent & I were having marriage trouble.  Also, scroll down at that link to see other books she’s written called, “The Sex-Starved Marriage” and “The Sex-Starved Wife”, both books that I think will help commenters at my post about Passion in Marriage.
• The first thing to do if your marriage is feeling rotten: rent this Fireproof movie.  All the answers are there.
• Good News About Sex and Marriage: Answers to Your Honest Questions About Catholic Teaching by Christopher West - another book that explains very well what the Catholic Church really teaches on often misunderstood topics.
• Remember that the estrogens from our diet (drink healthy milk without hormones and find a local source of healthy meat without hormones), along with estrogens in our environment (such as in the unsafe types of water bottles) can all lead to low libido!
• Read how a diet without enough healthy fats can also contribute to low sex drive.
• Stressed out? Health & Nutrition not high on the priority list right now?
• Read about my “food conversion” story (I used to sneak even more chocolate than I do now.)

DON'T MISS NEW POSTS:

Subscribe in a reader or Subscribe via e-mail for free blog updates.

Icky small print stuff: privacy policy, copyright, disclaimers, terms & conditions.

Learn more from the COMMENTS BELOW - join the conversation!