Christianity 101 -

Will You Share Your Advice for a Good Marriage? (Plus My 7 Tips)

July 30, 2017

What Advice for a Good Marriage Would YOU Give?

Kent and I have been married almost 30 years. This makes me feel old just writing it, but it also brings feelings of gratefulness to Jesus every-single-time I think of it, because we came SO close to not making it — He is the only reason we pulled through. Read more about that here: My Conversion Story and How Our Marriage was Healed.

After having lived through what was the worst time in my life (even worse than my Mom’s passing and that’s been pretty tough, even now after 3 years), I now want to help those of you who may be struggling too. If you need some encouragement that it won’t always be so difficult, or some good resource suggestions, please be sure to go read how our marriage was healed.

When a young friend of ours emailed recently requesting advice for a good marriage, I hoped you might also be willing to add your own advice to the mix. Please share in the comments!

Here’s what she sent:

“Dear family and friends,

I’m working on a project and hoping that you can help me through this chapter in my life. I feel strongly that I’m called to marry the man that I am dating. Having taken the time to really think about God’s calling for my life, I see it very clearly that my path to become the best version of myself lies in being married. So I need your advice and any thoughts you can offer on marriage — what does it mean to put another person first everyday? What does marriage require to be successful? I hear these things about marriage, and see them in writing in the Church, but knowledge on applying them only comes from those who have lived it out…

I felt myself tugged towards a “comfortable life”, one where I could travel and experience life at my own leisure, and now I see the weight of taking on the needs of another, and others including children, so much so that your own needs become secondary. And the even greater weight of the fact that this experience makes us more like Jesus on a daily basis, who loved us so much that He took up His cross for us. So I see that this calling is a VERY big deal. I really want to hear from the married couples that I respect and honor.“

What a wise young woman to seek out advice from others like this, right?

I’ll share my response and then I hope you’ll share yours in the comments.

Keep in mind that I didn’t spend a long time thinking about how to respond, this is just what rolled off my fingers one morning, so don’t expect much eloquence…

“1. How exciting this time must be for you! The fact that you’re starting with such a strong base in your faith in Jesus is the BEST thing you can do to start your marriage right. 🙂

2. Beyond that, I don’t know how to say it all, except I guess just to expect that hard times will come and don’t let giving up EVER even be an option. The world wants you to think tough times are not normal, or that things should always be rosy, but that is just not how real life is. So many these days, as you know, become unhappy in their marriage and think, “I don’t want to be unhappy the rest of my life” and “I deserve to be happy.” But NO. No they don’t. They deserve to live out their commitment, put their kids’ happiness first, and for a time, to take up their cross. (Note that I’m not talking about abusive relationships, but those that have seemingly gone cold.)

Know this: it does NOT last forever.

The good times DO come again when people are patient, and if they stick it out they are blessed and the relationship then becomes BETTER than they could ever have imagined.

Kent and I thank God that He brought us through our tough time in 1994 — the worst thing I’ve ever been through! But now we are closer than ever and have been this way for the many years since then. Someday I’d be happy to tell you that whole story, but I thought we were goners for sure.

3. Also, regarding your comment about the weight of taking on the needs of another as a wife and mom… Remember that when the Lord gives you the nudge to do something, as He has with you regarding the married life, He also gives you the passion for it. So basically it doesn’t feel like a burden, it feels like a joy to serve your family in the ways you’re called to. (Not always, obviously not every single moment, sometimes it’s just plain hard! But overall you will feel joy with your calling.)

4. Keep things light, don’t let every little thing bother you. Kent often says that he’s glad I’m not all touchy about things so we can joke around and laugh about stuff together. Nobody wants to feel like they’re always walking on egg shells.

5. One of the best things Kent does in our marriage is that he has always been my equal as far as stuff around the house, this has meant so much to me over the years when I’m stressed — that he’s not relaxing with TV or a book while I’m running around like a crazy woman taking care of house and kid stuff. His Dad was like that too, but mine was not at all, so I really appreciate that about him. At the same time, even though I’m working at home as well as homeschooling the kids, I try to keep up on as much as I can around here, so after a long day at work he doesn’t have to do a bunch of stuff when he gets home. It’s just a matter of being unselfish, showing basic kindness toward each other, and not letting bad habits take hold where you take each other for granted, get snippy, or forget to have fun together.

6. One more piece of advice for a good marriage, this one is regarding motherhood more than marriage I guess: do NOT try to do it all! If you are blessed to be able to be a stay-at-home Mom (which is ideal especially when your kids are young) then know that you are doing the best for your family. Take care of your kids, the house, healthy meals, etc., and don’t try to do much else outside the home too. I did day care out of our home for over 20 years so I could bring in a little income and be home with our kids, and that was the BEST thing I could’ve done because my kids had friends come play every day, and I could keep up on house stuff at the same time and not be overwhelmed and ornery all of the time. However, I should probably NOT have started another business 10 years ago when I got my blog going. That was way too much stress when my kids were still young and really dumb of me to try to take on. I tried really hard to keep putting my kids and Kent first through all of this, but I got too little sleep and was frazzled too often, and that’s not the Mom I should’ve been. Being a homemaker is a wonderful but busy enough job without adding more! Some moms need to add to the family income and are good at finding a nice balance in their lives, but it’s just not easy.”

7. Also don’t miss this: Strive for Passion in Your Marriage! If you’ve got that part of your marriage down, then that can cover and help a LOT of the other stuff. 🙂

Your turn, what is YOUR best advice for a good marriage?

More you might like:

An excellent video: What is marriage?
Another one on Marriage and Family
Have you seen this letter to a Mom/wife (basically on how to make the evil one happy), written in the same style as C.S. Lewis’ Screwtape Letters?
Matt Walsh: I didn’t fall in love with my wife
From a wise blogging friend, Avivah: Tips for making your marriage awesome
Marriage isn’t about your happiness

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Clean Blood

July 18, 2017

Have you ever felt “bored” when sitting in church? Or maybe you just don’t feel like going? Because of our humanity, I think we all have felt that way at times. But this story about “Clean Blood” will freak you out and will definitely wake us up a bit…

Imagine this.

You’re driving home from work next Monday after a long day. You turn on your radio and you hear a brief report about a small village in India where some people have suddenly died, strangely, of a flu that has never been seen before. It’s not influenza, but four people are dead, so the Centers for Disease Control is sending some doctors to India to investigate.

You don’t think too much about it — people die every day — but coming home from church the following Sunday you hear another report on the radio, only now they say it’s not four people who have died, but thirty thousand, in the back hills of India. Whole villages have been wiped out and experts confirm this flu is a strain that has never been seen before.

By the time you get up Monday morning, it’s the lead story. The disease is spreading. It’s not just India that is affected. Now it has spread to Pakistan, Afghanistan, Iran, Iraq, and northern Africa, but it still seems far away. Before you know it, you’re hearing this story everywhere. The media have now coined it “the mystery flu.” The President has announced that he and his family are praying for the victims and their families, and are hoping for the situation to be resolved quickly. But everyone is wondering how we are ever going to contain it.

That’s when the President of France makes an announcement that shocks Europe: He is closing the French borders. No one can enter the country, and that’s why that night you’re watching a little bit of CNN before going to bed. Your jaw hits your chest when a weeping woman’s words are translated into English from a French news program: There’s a man lying in a hospital in Paris dying of the mystery flu. It has come to Europe.

Panic strikes. As best they can tell, after contracting the disease, you have it for a week before you even know it, then you have four days of unbelievable symptoms, and then you die.

The British close their borders, but it’s too late. The disease breaks out in Southampton, Liverpool, and London, and on Tuesday morning the President of the United States makes the following announcement: “Due to a national security risk, all flights to and from the United States have been canceled. If your loved ones are overseas, I’m sorry. They cannot come home until we find a cure for this horrific disease.”

Within four days, America is plunged into an unbelievable fear. People are wondering, What if it comes to this country? Preachers on television are saying it’s the scourge of God. Then on Tuesday night you are at church for Bible study, when somebody runs in from the parking lot and yells, “Turn on a radio!” And while everyone listens to a small radio, the announcement is made: Two women are lying in a hospital in New York City dying of the mystery flu. It has come to America.

Within hours the disease envelops the country. People are working around the clock, trying to find an antidote, but nothing is working. The disease breaks out in California, Oregon, Arizona, Florida, Massachusetts. It’s as though it’s just sweeping in from the borders.

Then suddenly the news comes out: The code has been broken. A cure has been found. A vaccine can be made. But it’s going to take the blood of somebody who hasn’t been infected. So you and I are asked to do just one thing: Go to the nearest hospital and have our blood tested. When we hear the sirens go off in our neighborhood, we are to make our way quickly, quietly, and safely to the hospital.

Sure enough, by the time you and your family get to the hospital it’s late Friday night. There are long lines of people and a constant rush of doctors and nurses taking blood and putting labels on it. Finally, it is your turn. You go first, then your spouse and children follow, and once the doctors have taken your blood they say to you, “Wait here in the parking lot for your name to be called.” You stand around with your family and neighbors, scared, waiting, wondering. Wondering quietly to yourself, What on earth is going on here? Is this the end of the world? How did it ever come to this?

Nobody seems to have had their name called; the doctors just keep taking people’s blood. But then suddenly a young man comes running out of the hospital, screaming. He’s yelling a name and waving a clipboard. You don’t hear him at first. “What’s he saying?” someone asks. The young man screams the name again as he and a team of medical staff run in your direction, but again you cannot hear him. But then your son tugs on your jacket and says, “Daddy, that’s me. That’s my name they’re calling.” Before you know it, they have grabbed your boy. “Wait a minute. Hold on!” you say, running after them. “That’s my son.”

“It’s okay,” they reply. “We think he has the right blood type. We just need to check one more time to make sure he doesn’t have the disease.”

Five tense minutes later, out come the doctors and nurses, crying and hugging each another; some of them are even laughing. It’s the first time you have seen anybody laugh in a week. An old doctor walks up to you and your spouse and says, “Thank you. Your son’s blood is perfect. It’s clean, it’s pure, he doesn’t have the disease, and we can use it to make the vaccine.”

As the news begins to spread across the parking lot, people scream and pray and laugh and cry. You can hear the crowd erupting in the background as the gray-haired doctor pulls you and your spouse aside to say, “I need to talk to you. We didn’t realize that the donor would be a minor and we . . . we need you to sign a consent form.”

The doctor presents the form and you quickly begin to sign it, but then your eye catches something. The box for the number of pints of blood to be taken is empty.

“How many pints?” you ask. That is when the old doctor’s smile fades, and he says, “We had no idea it would be a child. We weren’t prepared for that.”

You ask him again, “How many pints?” The old doctor looks away and says regretfully, “We are going to need it all!”

“But I don’t understand. What do you mean you need it all? He’s my only son!”

The doctor grabs you by the shoulders, pulls you close, looks you straight in the eyes, and says, “We are talking about the whole world here. Do you understand? The whole world. Please, sign the form. We need to hurry!”

“But can’t you give him a transfusion?” you plead.

“If we had clean blood we would, but we don’t. Please, will you sign the form?”

What would you do?

In numb silence you sign the form because you know it’s the only thing to do. Then the doctor says to you, “Would you like to have a moment with your son before we get started?”

Could you walk into that hospital room where your son sits on a table saying, “Daddy? Mommy? What’s going on?” Could you tell your son you love him? And when the doctors and nurses come back in and say, “I’m sorry, we’ve got to get started now; people all over the world are dying,” could you leave? Could you walk out while your son is crying out to you, “Mom? Dad? What’s going on? Where are you going? Why are you leaving? Why have you abandoned me?”

The following week, they hold a ceremony to honor your son for his phenomenal contribution to humanity … but some people sleep through it, others don’t even bother to come because they have better things to do, and some people come with a pretentious smile and pretend to care, while others sit around and say, “This is boring!” Wouldn’t you want to stand up and say, “Excuse me! I’m not sure if you are aware of it or not, but the amazing life you have, my son died so that you could have that life. My son died so that you could live. He died for you. Does it mean nothing to you?”

Perhaps that is what God wants to say to us…

Father, seeing it from your eyes should break our hearts. Maybe now we can begin to comprehend the great love you have for us.

More you might like:

(Source, photo 1, photo 2)

Does This Seem Radical to You?

June 7, 2016

Lately I’m feeling more and more like I want to somehow live radically for Jesus, and do something that takes me to a place of being less comfortable than most of us are here in this part of the world. My flesh says no-thank-you, I’m just fine here! But my soul says that somehow we need to do more. I know that will look different for everyone, and the timing will be different too. Kent and I have talked about how it might mean serving him in other parts of the world someday when we’re retired instead of taking relaxing tropical vacations. I’ve been asking Him to show me where and how He’d like me to serve Him, but since no clear answers have shown themselves, for now I’ll continue doing the best I can to live for Him right here as a wife, Mom, sister, friend, and as someone who people reach out to daily for help with this or that health issue, which I love. Living radically for Him can also include forgiving those who hurt us, and I learned first-hand in this past year how difficult that can be, after a very disappointing issue with my Mom’s house after she died, but I know it’s what He asks us to do.

I want to share with you a book I’m reading, about a young girl who left her comfortable American life to live radically for Jesus in Uganda. None of it feels radical to her, even though her family thought she was nuts at first, and she only sees it as doing what God asks us all to do, but compared to ME and compared to most of us, it IS quite different. At the same time, it’s sad and WRONG that it’s so “out there”, because we should all be living our lives similarly, even if it’s played out in many different ways.

Here’s the book that is rocking my world these days: Kisses from Katie.

I really hope you’ll read it, it’s a great book for summer! I just ordered six of them to give out to friends and family. If you’re not into reading, at least watch this video with some of her story, and then share your thoughts in the comments below:

How to Raise Kids to be Committed Christians

January 17, 2016

Recently a Kitchen Kop reader asked:

Do you have any advice on how to raise kids to be committed Christians? I grew up Catholic, but apart from going to church and religion classes my parents didn’t make any efforts in this area, so I’m completely blanked out on what other parents do to bring up their kids in faith…

For Kent and I, this is our number one goal as parents, to raise up kids who love Jesus so they can know Him and be used by Him to help others in this world, and so we can all be together in the next. I just don’t see how anything else matches this goal when you think of eternity. (We’re all going to spend eternity somewhere. Not sure about this? Read my Christianity FAQ’s here.)

Some only want to raise “good people”. Of course we all want our kids to grow up to be kind, generous people, but what is “good”, and where does that standard come from? That’s too wishy-washy, and too susceptible to whatever the culture tells us is right (that’s a scary thought), or to what a person desires at each moment. We all know how easy it is to convince ourselves something is “the right thing” when we really want it to be so. Instead we want them to be good for a higher purpose and to stand on Someone who is unchanging.

What’s the Answer for How to raise kids to be committed Christians?

I’ll tell you right now that I don’t know for sure and it’ll be a long time — until our kids are much older — before we’ll know if we did enough to set them on the right track. Some days I really wonder if how we’re trying to raise them will even matter, or if the anti-Christian culture is just too powerful. It’s easy to get discouraged, and it’s getting more and more difficult in our crazy world — many parents have “done everything right” and still their kids turn away from God. What a heartbreaker. (We need to keep praying, God’s mercy is huge and He’s so patient with us!) Other parents offer their kids nothing but a life of dysfunction, and some of them turn out wildly in love with Jesus. There’s no secret formula or guarantee, but we need to keep trusting in Him, knowing that He wants our kids to know Him even more than we do! We just never know where God’s grace will take us. We’re all human and none of us parent perfectly — as you read through the following ideas and suggestions, don’t think for a minute that our home is any different than yours, things are certainly not all sparkly around here at every moment, not even close. It’s a struggle here, too, and all we can do is all we can do.

Here are a few random thoughts that come to mind, and I hope you’ll share YOUR tips in the comments…

First of all, many of us probably grew up in homes similar to ones the reader described, whether it was a Protestant Christian home, a Catholic Christian home, or maybe a home with no faith at all. It’s easy to just go along in our busy-but-lukewarm lives — and even more so in our culture where a lot of us have it pretty easy. (Easy lives generally do not produce a strong faith unless you’re really striving, and even then it’s tough.)

Obviously, you need to LIVE IT yourself. Our Pastor, Father Tony, often quotes Saint Francis of Assisi: “Preach the Gospel always, and if necessary use words.” Don’t just go through the motions, truly seek to follow Him with your whole life and your whole heart. If you want that, but just don’t know how to get there, click to read this.

When you screw up, make it right as soon as possible. We all mess up because let’s face it, each stage of raising kids can be a lot of fun, but also can be really tough at times. Toddlers and teenagers come to mind! When I blow up and yell or say something I shouldn’t have, I try to apologize quickly, say a prayer asking God to forgive me and help me do better from now on, and let it go. If the kids are misbehaving I’ll let them cool off and then go to them with a lighthearted nudge… “Is there anything you want to say to your Mom by any chance… Anything at all???” When they say sorry, even if it’s a lame apology with no sincerity (because let’s face it, sincere apologies usually take maturity, which they don’t have yet), I’ll say, “I forgive you” and also apologize for my part and give them a hug. IF they’ll let me, because teenage boys often won’t. 🙂

When they’re young, and so open as most little kids are, use that time to reach their hearts! We listened to Jesus songs, prayed together, volunteered to feed the poor or pray for the unborn, went to summer vacation bible school, read lots of bible stories, and had great talks — we still do most of these, but as they grow older, and go through that stage where they think they’re soooo much smarter than us and don’t need God, we back off a bit. (I think most kids go through this, if yours doesn’t or didn’t, BE THANKFUL!) If they say something about Christianity or Catholic teaching that’s flat out wrong, we’ll make sure to correct them, calmly and in one sentence, but that’s it. Beating them over the head with long, painful theological conversations will only ensure that they won’t open up that way again. When they seem open and want to have a real conversation, do so calmly and with love, but not judgmentally. (Be sure you read up and are educated about Church teaching and the bible so you can have these conversations.) Don’t cram anything down their throats or of course they’ll only push back, it’s human nature, especially for teens!

When you get some bad news or good news, pray out loud right away, let the kids hear you crying out to Him in thankfulness or begging Him to intercede for someone who is hurting.

Listening to Christian music helps me grow in my faith, even when running errands, and it’s good for the kids to hear these lyrics, instead of the ones in mainstream music. There are SO many different types of Christian music, from the more traditional fuddy-duddy stuff (not my fav), to more upbeat stuff like one of the kids’ and my favorites: Toby Mac. 🙂 Sometimes our youngest will ask questions about what he hears and we’ll have great conversations. If I hear a lyric that moves me, I’ll ask them questions to get them thinking. For example, earlier today in the car I asked, “What do you think that means, when he said ‘Forgive us Lord for seeking your hand more than your face?'” After letting him chew on it a while, I explained that in other words, we need to ask His forgiveness for always wanting something more from Him instead of just wanting to be closer TO Him.

Only put up boundaries where absolutely necessary to keep them safe, but don’t be so rigid and controlling that they can’t be their own person either — use common sense, and pick your battles. Going to Mass and being a part of the Sacraments is a non-negotiable for us. We are firm and matter-of-fact with them and make it clear: “While you’re living here, you’ll go to Church with us.” For us, it’s best when this comes from Kent, but either way, it’s really important that you stand together on the big issues like this. However, if they don’t want to listen to your Christian music or watch movies like Woodlawn with you (as awesome as it is!), sometimes you’ll need to just let it go. Discuss with your spouse, or someone you trust, which areas you DO need to be firm on, all the while remembering that the point is to preserve the relationship so they’ll WANT to be around you later when they’re adults, and so they’ll respect you enough to maybe, hopefully, give your faith another look if they’ve fallen away. This doesn’t mean trying to be their “best bud” when they’re young and pleasing them all the time, of course there are times we must put our foot down as parents and they won’t like you, and there may even be some ugly blow-ups (I hate those), but just make SURE that you are fair and that you use common sense. Only get really firm when absolutely necessary. If you do this, then as they mature they’ll see that you were doing what was best and will respect you. (You have to stand for some things, but you don’t need to take a stand on all things, all the time.)

What if they absolutely refuse to go along with your non-negotiable? Try not to lose your temper, but that’s not easy! First, talk again with your spouse or someone you trust and be sure that you’re being fair and hearing them out. My girlfriends or sisters and I often bounce these things off each other and you can get a new perspective that way. If you’ve tried to talk with them about it and they still aren’t coming around, and aren’t getting it that when there’s a disagreement, the parent has the final say, well, we really can’t physically force them to follow our rules, and that drives us crazy as parents, right?! However, best is when we just calmly say, “Okay, well that’s your choice, but you’ll have a consequence you won’t like.” It really is their choice when they’re almost full-grown and they refuse to follow our rules, but we DO have a choice on how big their consequence is! Try to pray first about what is the best consequence to help them understand. As much as you’ll want to make it hurt (!!!), remember that the goal is turning them into solid people on the other side. Again, be fair, and definitely don’t choose consequences like making them read the bible or something similar! Would you ever want to pick up a bible again if it was used as a punishment on you?!!! Thankfully we haven’t had any big issues with our kids (yet?!), and so far just taking away their phones for a few days or giving them extra chores does the trick. It’s amazing how pleasant they become again in a short time. 🙂 Maybe you, however, have had some pretty big hurdles with your kids, and if so, I feel for you because again, parenting is SO difficult at times! Either way, we need to be flooding heaven with prayers for our kids and for clear direction from Him.

Trust them unless they give you reason not to, and if they DO mess up, forgive and give them a new chance. Don’t always assume they’re doing wrong, because either way, they’ll live up to your assessment of their character. You don’t want them to think, “Well, they’re convinced I’m doing wrong, so I guess I may as well…” If you see that they are consistently not making good choices, let them face the natural consequences (don’t always bail them out!), and then let that be it; make sure they know how much you love them, that we all mess up, and don’t keep holding it over their heads or add more and more punishment at home. Obviously if your child is generally a pretty great kid who just made a mistake, they’ll need a different response and discipline than those kids who are messing up over and over.

Let them know they can trust YOU — keep their secrets. If kids can’t trust you, as the main authority in their lives, they’ll have a hard time trusting God. If you’ve failed at this (or with any of these), ask them to forgive you and tell them things will be different moving forward. Keep in mind, you know how you have friends in your own life who you know you can trust, because they don’t share other’s secrets with you, so you know they won’t blab your secrets to others? Well kids hear you talking to your friends, and if you are over-sharing or gossiping, they’re not going to feel comfortable opening up. (I don’t blame them, be sure to model integrity in all areas of your life.)

This is huge: Show them respect and start to treat them as adults as they become older teens, whether it’s giving them more responsibility or in other ways. Unless someone feels respected, they won’t care what you think about anything, whether it’s your faith or any issue at all. This is kind of a small example, but I have a feeling it meant a lot to our boys as they got older… When leaving the pew during Mass to go up for Holy Communion, Kent always lets me and the kids out ahead of him, which I love and think all men should do. I’m sure his Dad did the same thing. When the kids are younger, I also let them out ahead of me so we can both keep our eyes on them. As our sons grew and became almost as tall as I am, I’d nonchalantly move forward as we moved out of the pew so they’d end up behind me. I never said anything, it was just an unspoken way to show that I know they’re becoming men.

Remember to LAUGH as a family, have fun together, don’t let everything get too heavy around home. Life is heavy enough at times, we want home to be a safe, happy place, and we certainly don’t want them to think that living a solid Christian life is dry and boring. Show by your example that serving God and helping others is awesome. Sometimes when I feel that we’re slipping into negative attitudes around the house or I hear myself nagging on them too much to finish their school stuff or their chores or whatever, I have to remind myself to just stop. No one wants to be around that all of the time. (Yes, they have to get their work done, but when I realize I’ve been repeating myself, I’ll finally just say, “Okay, not saying it again, if this isn’t done by _____, then _____.” It gets old always needing a consequence to get them moving, but often that’s what it takes. Have I mentioned… Parenting is not easy!)

Do your best to surround them with Christian friends. This isn’t always easy, depending on their personalities, just do the best you can. If you have “youth group kids”, be sure to get them connected in a church you trust, but our first three aren’t those type of kids, they’re just more shy, and not comfortable in those situations. (Our youngest loves youth group though!). We don’t think forcing them is always the answer, maybe it is sometimes, but this is another one you need to take to prayer to know when to push something and when to let it go — each situation is different. Some kids who are never pushed still may not come to a deep faith. Others were pushed, and they’re on fire.

As Catholic Christians, we are blessed because SO many amazing materials are available now to help us live the faith and bring our kids along. (For many years it was like a dry desert!) Here are a few of our current favorites and where we allot part of our tithe money to help support these ministries, they’re that good: Dynamic Catholic, Real Life Catholic, and Ascension Presents videos with Father Mike. Our church is using many of these materials for Sacramental programs now as well!

Recently on Catholic radio I heard about a study that said a faithful Dad makes the BIGGEST difference in a child’s faith as an adult, a Dad who the kids see by his actions that He loves God. This doesn’t mean a Dad who is just “going through the motions” or only going to church because Mom nags him to; for those kids, there was no difference at all. (It’s not that these kids have no hope of becoming committed Christian adults, it’s just that chances are a lot better if their Dad’s faith is strong.) Let them see you committing TIME in your life to God, so they know He is #1. (Make sure they know about your tithing too, so they know the importance of giving. Teach them to give 10% of what they earn, and how much fun it is to help others in that way.)

The biggest thing is to PRAY CONSTANTLY!!!! Ask Saint Monica and Saint Augustine to pray for your kids. Search online if you’re not familiar with their inspiring stories, or read one of my favorite books: Restless Flame. You could also get a book I pray from a lot: Praying the Bible for Your Children. Read more about that book here: Pray Big for Your Child. I mark each day I pray with the date so someday our kids will know how much they were lifted up! (Not to mention how Kent prays for them daily, obviously.)

Now will you share YOUR advice with us?!

Writing out all of this makes me thankful for the good examples my own parents modeled in my life and the example Kent’s parents modeled for him. They weren’t perfect, and we won’t be either, but let’s all strive to grow and be better each day so when our kids are parents they can look back and say we were their good examples.

God bless us all on this journey!

More posts to check out:

There are no guarantees with our kids, no matter how well we tried to raise them: What I’m Never Going to Tell You by Elizabeth Foss.
If you’re into health and nutrition, check out my Kelly the Kitchen Kop blog. (Go here to get a free Real Food Ingredient Guide or click here to get my Real Food for Rookies book.)
A Father’s Day Story – A man’s prayer to be a better leader in his home
The best option I’ve found for keeping your kids safe online.
Plugged-in Online – a great resource for families — I’m on here all the time to check out the latest books, movies, etc. Just tonight our daughter texted from her friend’s house asking if she could watch the movie, “The Fault in Our Stars”. I read about it there and said, “Nope, sorry.”
My Conversion Story and How Our Marriage was Healed
Teaching our Children about Real Love
Show your daughters (and sons) this video (about virtue and modesty)
31 Ways to Pray for Your Children
6 Ways to Keep Your Kids Prolife
How to keep your kids Catholic in college from Patrick Madrid and another good article.

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How to Know God’s Will for Our Lives

August 8, 2015

Father Mike Schmitz is one of my favorite podcasts to listen to when I’m out walking — he and Father John Riccardo always seem to speak right to me. This video by Father Mike, “How to Discern“, is a favorite, because who among us doesn’t question how to know God’s will for our lives?! If you’re like me, you’re constantly asking Him to reveal more about where in the world He wants you, or what to do about this or that dilemma, because I’m never quite sure. See if this video helps you too:

More Father Mike Schmitz videos and Father Mike’s podcast
Father John Riccardo videos and Father John’s podcast
More from Jennifer Fulwiler on God’s will and Little Decisions, and another: The Secret to Not Being Overwhelmed, and this one (even though I stink at living it out): The Courage to Rest.

The 5 Best Gifts Our Moms Gave Us

May 7, 2015

This will be the first Mother’s Day without my Mom. Don’t ask me when that becomes REAL in my brain, because I don’t know. It must be a defense mechanism, to block it out, because as soon as I let myself think about it for a minute I’m making that face that turns into the “ugly cry”. I suppose I’m normal, who knows. I do like thinking about all the ways she was such a great Mom to us 5 kids, though. Kent’s Mom is wonderful in so many ways, too, and I can’t even LET myself think about the day she won’t be here. Yes, Kent and I have both been very blessed.

For Mother’s Day I thought I’d share with you the 5 best gifts my Mom and my Mother-in-law have given us…

**My Mom was always there for all five of us kids, no matter what.**

And I mean always and everywhere. She made every birthday and holiday special for us (even as adults), she was at every grandchild’s birth (and in the delivery room with us for our four kids), she (and Dad) were eager babysitters always ready and willing to spoil them, and as the grandkids grew, she was at every sporting or other event she could possibly make it to. She taught us many lifelong lessons about being good to others.

Here are the top five best gifts she has given us:

1. Mom taught us to always think the best of people, because you never know what they might be going through in their lives right now. (I sort of drive Kent crazy with this one sometimes because if he gets cut off in traffic and starts to rant, I’ll say, “Maybe he’s just absentminded because he’s on his way to visit his wife in the hospital!”)

2. Mom taught us the Golden Rule, and to do the right thing even when it’s not easy. There’s right and there’s wrong, period.

3. She taught us that God, family and friends come first, and you always help others when you’re needed. We watched her help others our whole lives, even at 79, 3 months prior to her diagnosis, she was taking meals to people around town or visiting her elderly friends who were sick and/or dying. (At 79 we still didn’t think of her as elderly at all yet. She didn’t even have gray hair, and looked exactly like this picture.)

4. This classic has always done me well: “If you can’t say something nice, don’t say anything at all.” And another one of her famous lines that she’d use on us if ever we were worried about going somewhere was this one, “Just smile and be nice to everyone and you’ll do fine.” 🙂

5. One of the very best gifts from Mom and Dad is that they raised my brother and three sisters, who are a lot of fun to be with, and so are their spouses and kids. We often talk about how thankful we all are to like being with each other, when some families have nothing but turmoil between them.

Mom also drove us a little nuts at times, but don’t all Moms?! For example she was a cleaning freak, a trait none of us kids seemed to pick up on, LOL!

All of that is only a small part of the person she was, but you can see why she is SO sorely missed. Life just isn’t the same without my Mom here.

Next: My Mother-in-law is not your typical Mother-in-law.

I can honestly say that Mary Ellen has never said anything even slightly offensive to me. Everyone loves visiting her because it’s relaxing there and she’s so easy to talk to. Our kids love going to Grandma’s house.

Here are the best gifts she has given us:

1. Ron and Mary Ellen raised five really good men, and one of the best gifts they gave their daughters-in-law was to teach them to cook, clean and do laundry. Kent has always helped with that stuff around here and doesn’t even act like there’s any other way. (How could I not love this woman, right?!)

2. They were a solid example of living out their faith when raising their boys. I never take for granted the fact that I am married to a man who loves the Lord. It means everything to me.

3. Mary Ellen never judges others and always makes people feel heard, loved, and valued. Because of this her kids and grandkids (and everyone really), want to be around her. She and Ron never pressured us to have to come there on holidays, they remembered how hard it was sometimes to hit both families in one day. But we rarely miss because we love being there.

4. They raised their boys in a firm (no tip-toeing around discipline there!) and loving home, that was also full of humor. We love being with Kent’s brothers, their wives, and all the kids, because they’re good, fun people, and they make us laugh. A lot. 🙂

5. Most of all, Ron and Mary Ellen taught our kids what marriage vows mean. Ron had Alzheimers and when Mary Ellen couldn’t care for him herself anymore, he was in a nursing home for years and didn’t know anyone. She went to see him every day. She shaved him, fed him, told him she loved him, and made sure he was well cared for (when the staff sees family there all the time and get to know them as friends, it makes a difference in their care). She is the ultimate example of sacrificial love.

I thank God for my Mom and my Mother-in-law, we are truly blessed. Happy Mother’s Day to Mary Ellen and to my Mom in heaven.

Have you seen this book for Moms? (I’m a contributing author, thanks again for asking me, Lisa!) The Handbook for Catholic Moms: Nurturing Your Heart, Mind, Body, and Soul:

Parenting isn’t for Cowards:

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Colton from Heaven is for Real at 13 Years Old

April 18, 2014

**Do you wonder what Colton from Heaven is for Real is like today?**

Yesterday I took the kids to see Heaven is for Real at the theater. (It was expensive at $8 a ticket, but it’s important to show movie makers what type of entertainment we want more of by voting with our dollars.) It was a beautiful film that you won’t forget, much like the book!

Here’s the official trailer:

You’ll also love this interview I found from 2012, with the Burpos and Colton at 13 years old:

This is the picture another girl painted, she also had a near-death experience, and it was the only image out of the many his Dad showed him that Colton said was really how He looks:

colton from heaven is for real

We have this picture on our refrigerator. His eyes are so calming and seem to say, “Relax, trust me.” What do they say to you?

Show Your Daughters (and Sons) This Video

January 20, 2014

“I don’t know why, you’d want a guy, who only cares what he sees with his eyes.”

I showed this to our younger kids and want to help them ‘get’ this now, before the world teaches them differently…

Who Needs a Miracle?

January 7, 2014

A close friend is going through a rough time right now but she remains faithful that God will get her through. I asked how she was doing the other day, and here was her reply:

Have you ever seen that movie ‘Faith Like Potatoes“?
Angus Buchan: “The condition for a miracle is difficulty, however the condition for a great miracle is not difficulty, but impossibility.”

Even though I don’t have time to post over here on this blog much nowadays, something told me that one of you out there might really need to hear that quote right now. God knows who you are, so I will be praying for whoever that person is. 🙂

Check out the trailer for this movie, it’s not new, but still very much worth getting: Faith Like Potatoes:

Every Child Deserves a Chance to Play Baseball

May 18, 2013

Have you heard of the West Michigan Miracle League?

“Dear God, please get people some money so we can build a field and have a real baseball team with REAL uniforms. Thank you. Amen.”

This was what our friend, Spencer, prayed recently and his prayers are being answered…

He and and his whole family are great friends and we’re so thankful they’re a part of our lives. Our daughter, Kierstyn, got to know Spencer in second grade, and the two of them have been close ever since. His Mom, Mary Jo, often thanks us for her friendship, as if it’s some sort of a sacrifice on our part. For mysterious reasons we don’t understand, while most everyone is kind, not many other kids have befriended him. But it’s far from a sacrifice for us! Spencer is a blast to have around and has an amazing sense of humor. Kiersty loves him and they have a sweet friendship and tons of fun together. She asks to have him over all of the time, which we love to do, or she goes over there, or we all go bowling, and we also get to visit them in the hospital on Spencer’s frequent visits. (He’s had a severe seizure disorder since he was three years old.)

By the way, they have five kids and in a rotten turn of events, as if this family hasn’t been through enough, their son, Kyle, was severely injured in Afghanistan in late December while serving our country. Thankfully he is a strong and determined man, but it will be a long, tough road for him. Their oldest son, Brett, has taken a leave of absence from his Washington, D.C. career to take care of his brother. Talk about sacrifice. But of course he knows Kyle would do the same for him and he’s the type of person who is honored to care for his brother. This family is absolutely amazing, and in many more ways than I can share here. Please pray for them!

Here’s a precious picture of Kyle & Spencer when Kyle was on leave earlier last year:

So when we found out that Spencer got to help at the groundbreaking for this historic event, we were thrilled to come watch him and be there for the beginning of what will bless countless lives in future years.

The man behind all of this, Tony Comden, has a huge heart.

He started the West Michigan Miracle League in the summer of 2011 to bring Miracle League baseball to the disabled kids of West Michigan. His passion for Miracle League baseball is driven by his son Jed, who uses a walker to help him walk. Tony has experienced first hand the joys that come from Jed playing tee ball in a conventional tee ball league, and he wants to provide that same opportunity and joy for other disabled kids and their families in West Michigan.

In his comments at the event, I loved what he shared about the vision for these fields:

“It’s not a place just for special needs kids, it’s a place for all, because these kids are excluded enough in life. This is about inclusion. They just want to play ball with everyone else… Each kid will play with a buddy. Those unable to see will have a buddy to help them hit. Kids in a wheelchair will have a buddy to push them to base or help them field the ball.”

It was a very emotional event, especially when the Dad of Nate Hurwitz, the young man who the fields are named after, thanked everyone for the thousands that were raised in his son’s name after his death at only sixteen years old last year.

We are all excited that we live so close, and we plan to come often to cheer these kids on, especially Spencer!

Here are a few of the shots I was able to capture: