For those who saw my recent prayer request on social media, here’s the rest of the story. I can finally get through a day without sobbing constantly, so now I will share…
It began on the Friday before Christmas…
Which by the way is the same date that Kent’s Dad died of Alzheimers in 2012 and also our neice on Kent’s side died of a brain tumor in 1999. Kinda hate that date. (Although my faith tells me it was a great date for them, just hard on those left behind!)
So we had our good friends over for dinner after a fun game of pickleball–I’d been so excited that Kent finally agreed to try it. We were laughing and having fun when I glanced at my phone and saw this text from my brother-in-law Mike: “We need you ASAP. What r u doing?” Of course I knew that didn’t sound good, so I stepped into the other room to call and he told me through heart-wrenching sobs, “Jared is gone, and they say he took his own life!” All I could do was yell, “NOOOOOO, he wouldn’t do that!” Then, “Where are you?! We’ll be right there. I love you.” (I think that’s what I said, I don’t even know.) I came out to tell everyone and saw Kasey looking at me. I’ll never forget his face as I had to tell him and the others the news. I knew it would crush him, he and Jared have always had an extra special cousin bond.
The above photo is Jared and Kasey at Thanksgiving, it was the last time we saw him. If only we knew…
So our friends busted around here cleaning things up, hugging and crying with us as I tried to get my head together. While Kent drove the hour it took to get there, I called my other sister (what a horrible phone call) and tried to call my other siblings (who were already in bed). I texted other people asking for prayers and just sobbed, unable to believe it, and still don’t believe it two weeks later! I constantly shake my head and say, “No, not real!” or “Jared NO!!!” or “Lord please have mercy!”
Had Jared died suddenly in an accident, we’d all still be shocked and devastated (we have a very close family, nieces and nephews are like our own!!), but the pain of suicide is on a whole other deeper level. The unanswered questions, the constant WHYS and always trying to figure out if he’d been hiding this, or was it a bad night, a bad hour, a bad moment? He’d had anxiety and insomnia, but we all thought it was much better in the past couple years!
Jared was 25 and a really great guy, everyone loved him and he always cracked us up!
He and I had many deep talks about faith and other things, he was even into real food! (No, he did not get the jab, for those of you wondering.) One thing we know for sure is that he (obviously) couldn’t have been in his right mind when he did this. He lived only 5 miles from his parents and had a VERY close relationship with both of them, and also with his brother and sister, not to mention all of us extended family and his good friend and roommate who found him. He would not have done that to any of us had he been thinking right–there’s just no way. It’s heart-wrenchingly sad on so many levels. We know God had big plans for Jared’s life, like He has for all of us. He’d had a job he loved and lots of friends, he loved spending time with family, and rarely missed the big family reunions with great aunts and uncles and second cousins. He truly loved hanging out with all of them. He must have been hurting too much to think about any of that…????
I’m so proud of Terri and Mike and Jared’s brother and sister for so many reasons:
- First, just 2 days after that fateful visit from the police, they still went to Mike’s family Christmas Eve gathering and the next day to our family’s gathering on Christmas Day. We told them, “We’re all going to be a mess anyway, we may as well be a mess together”.
- Second, they adamently do not want it kept hush hush how he died, they want people to TALK ABOUT the evil epidemic of suicide with their loved ones so no one will have to go through what they’re going through. (Although Terri said she just recently asked Jared how he was doing and he let on that he was totally fine–the masking is crazy and she said he should get an acting award. Again, unless it was just a bad night or whatever, see how my mind goes around and around?)
- Third and most importantly, they’re not blaming God. They’re leaning on their faith and know that while they’ll never be the same, they will be okay again, and they’re trusting that because Jared had Jesus in his heart, through God’s great mercy they will see him again.
For those of you who have gone through losing someone in a tragic way…
You know how it is, you wake up and pray that it’s a nightmare, and when you realize it’s not, all you can do is wail in pain. My sister has said over and over, “I just can’t believe he’s never going to walk in that door again, he was just here 3 days ago! HOW do people get through this without faith in Jesus and the hope of seeing their loved one again?!”
Moving forward
So now all we can do is figure out how to live with this pain and the unanswered questions, and to pray for, support and love on the four of them in every way possible. We’re hoping to keep them busy and plan extra family things together. On New Years Eve Kent and I had most of the family over for dinner (21 of us), then we went to a Griffins hockey game, and back here for games, snacks, and champagne. Some sleptover too and it was fun, even with the painful heaviness that’s always there. We had lots of laughs and it was good to be together, but always with such deep sadness in our hearts.
We would sure appreciate any prayers you can send up for us and especially for Jared’s immediate family.
SO many have been reaching out and have been kind and supportive for them, heck so many of OUR friends have been supportive too (praying, meals, cards, phone calls, texts to check on us)–and obviously this isn’t about us, but the point is, close friends and family are such a blessing. If you don’t have that kind of a circle, cultivate it and be there for others. Don’t let petty things get between you and loved ones. As far as friends, a church community is one of the best places to find this circle, so seek that out if you don’t have it yet!
Lastly, I know that many of you have suffered through this same nightmare and my heart and prayers go out to you.
At first I was so raw I didn’t even know how to pray. Later I pulled a few prayers together to write one for Jared, and if anyone wants to copy that below, you could take out his name and add your loved one’s name to it.
By the way…
Do you know and believe in Jesus and are you living how He asks? Our souls will live forever *somewhere*, and whoever might be next in your family to enter eternal life, you don’t want your loved ones to worry and wonder about your soul! Your family members want to know that you will ALL one day be together again with those who have already passed on! If you aren’t sure about this, go here to learn more, or ask me anything. Feel free to email me: Kelly@KellytheKitchenKop.com.
A Prayer for Jared (and for those who took their own lives)
In the name of the Father, the Son, and the Holy Spirit, Amen…
Dear Lord,
We come to you today mourning the sudden and tragic death of our dear Jared.
We cannot imagine and don’t understand the suffering and despair that prevented him from reaching out to You or to us for help.
We cling to the promise You have made in Psalm 34:18 where You say, “The Lord is close to the broken-hearted and saves those crushed in spirit.”
From this Your Word we believe that You, in Your great and tender mercy, were near to Jared at the hour of his death and that Your mysterious saving power was at work in his final moments here on earth. We ask that by the Blood of the cross You forgive his sins and failings and have mercy on his soul.
We cling to the hope that Jared is now surrounded by Your healing, loving presence. We claim Revelation 21:4 for him and for ourselves, “He will wipe every tear from their eyes. There will be no more death or mourning or crying or pain, for the old order of things has passed away.”
Dear Lord, we lay before you the burning questions weighing heavily on our hearts. We place ourselves, our deep pain, our questions and any regrets at the foot of the cross. We ask for your peace even though we don’t have the answers we desire.
We pray that the beauty and gift of Jared’s life will not be negated or overshadowed by his tragic death or final pain. Often bring to our minds his fun personality, his big heart, his desire to learn new things, his accomplishments and the constant joy and laughter he brought us. Help us to celebrate his memory and to be thankful for the gift of having him in our lives.
Finally, we pray desperately for ourselves that You will teach us how to go on living, even though we know our family will never be the same. Show us how to bear the daily pain of our grief and sorrow. Give us the courage to reach out for help, to share our story, to admit our needs and to pray and call out to You in the times when we feel darkness and discouragement.
Show us how to put our hope in You and stand on Your promise that “neither life nor death” can separate us or Jared from your love. (Romans 8:38-39)
Guide us, help us, hold us tight. Grant strength daily and hourly and give us the grace to lean on and grow closer to You in this trial. Carry us one day at a time, until we are again surrounded by the light of life.
We say farewell for now and commend Jared to Your great mercy and loving arms.
In the name of Jesus, our Lord and Savior, Amen.
____________________________________________________________
More verses to cling to:
Matthew 5:4 – Blessed are those who mourn, for they shall be comforted.
Psalm 147:3 – He heals the brokenhearted and binds up their wounds.
John 11:25-26 – Jesus said to her, “I am the resurrection and the life. The one who believes in me will live, even though they die; and whoever lives by believing in me will never die. Do you believe this?”
Eternal rest grant unto him, O Lord,
and let Your perpetual light shine upon him.
May his soul and the souls of all the faithful departed rest in peace.
Amen.
More you might like:
- How do you say goodbye to your Mom? (This is what I wrote after my Mom passed in 2014)
- Eternal Rest Grant Unto Him (This is what I wrote after Kent’s Dad died in 2012)
I, too, am devastated. My heart hurts for all of you. Lifting you up in prayer.
Love, your cousin, Penny
Thank you Penny. Terri & Mike are so thankful for your love and support. xoxo
My son took his own life at the age of 20. It was so unexpected and devastating.
The why played a constant track in my head. It took a long time to silence that track . It stopped when I realized the answers wouldn’t bring him back.
At about the three year mark I was walking and praying. I finally thanked God for giving me the gift of my son for twenty years. I told our Father that he belongs to you thank you for sharing him with me.
I am praying for your family. Nothing can make it better but you learn to live around the pain.
It’s so true. My sister took her life when she was 25. It’s been 30 years and I just now finally see how God is completely sovereign. He has plans. His plans include hard things. But He is in the business of making beauty from ashes. And He has. As I build my life on the Rock and have a secure relationship with Jesus Christ and I place all my hope in His promises, the things of this world grow dim. I can finally stand through the storms. But we must grieve the brokenness of this life. This is a sign of strength. To admit we need Him. And to be honest about our pain. It’s a devastating grievous thing to experience and there are no words. I’m so sorry for everyone who has to walk this difficult road. I did finally stop needing answers. I decided that I didn’t understand, but I chose to know that God is good and that I can trust. And this step of faith changed everything for me. 25 years ago I dedicated my life to fully surrender to Christ and I never looked back. He heals the brokenhearted because He is the Great Physician, Lord over all. His grace is sufficient. May He carry each and every family and friend through this difficult time. May it all further God’s kingdom in some way. That draws souls to a saving faith right in the middle of the storm. His is the kingdom and the power and the glory forever. Amen.
Aimee, yes, as much as I know that this wasn’t God’s will for Jared’s life, I do know that He can bring something good out of it like you said–praying it draws everyone closer to Him. So sorry about your sister. 🙁
Kel
I didn’t know Jared. I’m so sorry to hear about this tragedy. I spent time grieving and praying. Because I know this pain. And I will continue to lift you all up to our Heavenly Father for the next days and months. ????
May the prayers of those around you carry you through these difficult days.
So so sorry Marshelle, thank you for sharing that.
Hugs,
Kel
Oh, Kelly! I’m broken-hearted for you and your family! Praying for God’s comfort.
Thanks Margie, xoxo,
Kel
You are amazing.
Lisa, you are too. I was thankful you guys came that first night and actually even got a laugh in the middle of all that pain!
Kel
Hugs and prayers my friend. I can’t even imagine the pain you and your family are going through! My cousins are my best friends and my nieces and nephews are very close to each other as well. We know that he is resting in God’s arms.
With prayers
Karla
Thanks so much Karla, xoxo,
Kel
Dearest Kelly,
I suspected something big had happened when I didn’t receive in my inbox a Christmas post from you. I am so sorry for you, your family, Jared’s family, as well as for those who knew him. Suicide is such a shock for everyone involved; the family, the person who found him, police, EMS, medical staff, clergy, the list goes on. I will say a rosary for the repose of Jared’s soul.
Please consider if you or your family so desire to see a counselor. If you decide to go this route, it may turn into an ongoing process of working through the grief and figuring out what life has in store for you and for those around you. Also, don’t forget about using homeopathic remedies for the grief to assist you in your journey. Aurum metalicum comes to mind.
I wish I were there to give you a hug and to say a prayer but please know you will be in mine. Also, lean on the Blessed Mother during this time. She will guide you and those around you to her Son for peace and understanding in more ways than we can imagine.
Your sister in Christ,
Debra
Thanks so much for the prayers and all of that Debra. Do you think Aurem Met, or I had thought Aconite for the shock and Ignatia for the deep grief?
Hugs,
Kel
The Lord is near to the broken-hearted.
This is so heart-shattering. Praying for all of you.
Thank you my friend for your continued prayers!!
Love, Kel
Oh Kelly! My heart is breaking alongside of yours. Lifting you, your family, and all of those who’s lives have been touched by Jared, up in prayer as you wade through this awful grief.
Huge hugs!!
Thank you so much Stephanie,
Kel
I am so sorry. I know the pain. Our 16 year old nephew took his life 4 years ago. You never get over it. By God’s grace you get through it but never over it. There will always be an empty place at family functions. One day the Lord will answer all the questions we have, but until then just cling to Him in faith. I will definitely be in prayer for you and your family. This should not happen to anyone but sadly it’s becoming more and more common. May God bless and heal your family.
Yes, it’s a terrible evil epidemic. I’m so sorry about your nephew too……..
xoxo,
Kel
This was so painful to read and know about what your family is going through. I’m so sorry. Your prayers and words of faith about Jared and his parents is so encouraging, as they will see him again in heaven.
I’m praying for your whole family, right this minute.
Amy in San Diego
Thanks Amy, I love that you said where you’re from so my family who read this know they’re being prayed for from all over!
xoxo,
Kel
Heartwrenching story. I have friends whose 40 year old daughter took her life two years ago. They know the Lord, and she did, too. Deeply! We’ll never understand until one day we’re all together forever sharing our stories, hardships, blessings, etc. Until then lets do ‘one anothering’ and take good care of those and be that family, Christ’s body on earth, to get through the muck of this life and focus on His blessings to us TOGETHER. Never alone, and knowing each other the best we know how. Prayers for YOUR FAMILY as the Lord brings you to mind…
“One anothering”, yes and Amen to all of that.
Kel
In so sorry about this, Kelly. I love your response and the prayer you wrote out. You and your extended family will be in my prayers.
Thank you Sally, xoxo,
Kel
Kelly,
I am so sorry to hear this! My sister took her own life almost two years ago. It was devastating to my family and hers also. I know God is in this and that she is in peace. I am here to talk anytime.
Julie, I knew your sister passed, but didn’t know she took her life, I’m so sorry. I pray you’re all healing slow but sure.
xoxo,
Kel
I am in prayer for you and your family. This is an unfathomable deep pain. so glad we can lean into our Lord Jesus for comfort and healing at times like these. I have walked this path with others and currently have two family members struggling with the suicidal thoughts battle.
Ugh, prayers for your family too Kathy,
Kel
So, so heartbreaking… glad to hear there is some healthy processing happening, but still, so sad. Your family and Jared continue to be lifted up in prayer… Jesus, we trust in you…
Amen, thanks Renee. xoxo,
Kel
Dear Kelly,
I was so grieved to read this. We have been down this road with some close family friends. I don’t really have words– just wishing I could give you a loving hug. I love the prayer for Jared and thoughts shared there within. I will be remembering you and all your family in prayer. Thankfully God holds us when we cannot hold on.
“Thankfully God holds us when we cannot hold on.”
Yes, thanks Sharyl.
Kel
I’m so sad and sorry to hear this. We just spent our 2nd Christmas without our son, Joseph, who took his own life at the age of 24 in September 2022. In all honesty, it was just as painful – maybe moreso – than the first. Without the oddly protective fog of acute shock still being with us, the pain of this reality was very raw. So much of your story is like ours: that mask worn by those with depression, anxiety and other diagnoses, is so sadly effective. The questions and guilt borne of hindsight – all those things we think we should’ve known, seen, done – they can latch onto you and take you down like an alligator into a death roll. Please, don’t do that to yourselves, any of you. Cling to Jesus and Mary; to the eternal, unfathomable mercy of Christ. Offer up every suffering, every tear, in the mystery of redemptive suffering. My heart is full of love and sorrow for you all, and each and all of you, and sweet Jared, will remain in my prayers. ❤️
Mary, you’ve been in my prayers since you shared this with me back in May. Thank you for your prayers for our family now, you surely know how my sister and brother-in-law are feeling and your advice means so much.
Big hugs to you,
Kel
Kelly, my heart goes out to you and your family. Thank you for sharing this with us and being real. Thank you for your testimony and faith in God. Prayers of comfort for your family.
Thanks Renee, xoxo,
Kel
So so sorry for all you have gone through. Praying for all to be overwhelmed by the love of Christ and peace and reassurance only He can give.
Thank you Gina.
Kel
Oh Kelly. I am so sorry. My husband’s nephew took his own life at 18 yrs. old. The questions that haunt me are why and could I have done more? But what haunts me the most is the tremendous pain in the lives of those who take their own lives. Literally, it breaks my heart. It is a hard journey to walk after the loss. But it is an important one. One to save their memories, talking about them when we are able. Important to make their life, their story, come to life. Kelly, you so bravely let us see your pain. But you don’t hurt alone. You are NOT alone. And neither are we. ❤️
Thank so much Jo, I’m sorry you’ve had this pain touch your life too. And yes, ‘haunted’ is a good word, too often I’m also thinking the “if only I did ___” thoughts.
Hugs,
Kel