(Note: I found this in my drafts from around 2011 and I’m finally posting it! What’s crazy is that I still struggle with this very thing…)
The Lord is funny sometimes. I’ve often whined through the years that I can’t really hear Him. I think we all struggle with this from time to time, if not for a lifetime.
But let me tell you what happened recently…
When the school year began and our youngest went off to first grade, for the first time all of our kids were in school and I was going to have seven hours five days a week to get, and stay on top of, my life. Well, it turns out I’m pulling the same tricks that I always have, which is trying to do too much, so things aren’t going as planned. This has caused some stress in my life because I feel like I “should” be able to do everything I want to and need to now and get it all done, right?
1. Here’s how God spoke to me the first time about this, through my friend Kathy…
For some unrelated reasons (which I’ll be discussing on my Kitchen Kop blog one of these days), I recently went for a naturopathic consultation with my friend and Real Foodie mentor, Kathy. Along with all the health and nutrition advice she gave me, she wanted to address my stress issues. (And let me say right now, I really do realize that in the whole scheme of things, this stress of ‘not being able to get it all done’, is not a big deal compared to what many deal with daily, but it’s what’s going on with me these days.) She ‘prescribed’ for me to sit with the Lord every day. Not taking in the daily Mass readings from the bible, not reading my companion devotional that I love, not praying for friends and family, that can all be for later, but for a few minutes every day (she suggested I start with five minutes), she wanted me to just BE with Jesus. Just listen to what He might want to tell me. I asked her, “How’s that going to help my stress level? I still don’t see how I’m going to get it all done!” She assured me that spending this time with Him would make other parts of my life more clear and I’d know what to do and how to re-prioritize. Kathy’s wise words were, “Remember, it’s just as important to ‘be’ as it is to ‘do’; the Kingdom of God is within!”
2. God spoke to me the second time through our bible study friends that same evening:
I was picking their brains and found out that most of them struggle in similar ways. Whenever they try to just BE with Him they fall asleep or their mind wanders, and on it goes. Other friends seem to be on the right track. Amy said she hears His voice while praying her rosary. Gary said he gets up early to just sit in the chair and BE with Him. Nancy journals each day and hears His voice that way. Our friend, Dave, said that he asked God for years to speak clearly to Him, and now he does hear God’s voice, but he encouraged me to be persistent with the Lord, and to keep asking.
3. God spoke to me a third time through a visiting priest at our church that Sunday:
The priest’s homily (sermon) was about, you guessed it, just being with the Lord each day. “We are not human DOers, are we? We are human BEings and He wants us to just sit and BE with Him!” And for years our parish priest, Father Tony, has encouraged us to sit in the “classroom of silence”.
4. Yesterday in the confessional it happened again:
The priest asked me to take 15 extra minutes a day for the next week to just stare at the crucifix and listen to what Jesus might be saying to me from the cross.
He has my attention!
You can bet I know what I’m supposed to be doing each day. Since I began this focus over the last couple weeks, it’s crazy how some things have become more clear. God has used other people to put ideas or thoughts into my head as to how I can find the help I need around the house and with the blog, so that it takes some of the pressure off of me, and this has made a huge difference. Even more, He’s also helped me pinpoint the ways that I’m expecting too much out of every day. I work way more than full time hours on my blog and other projects I have going to earn money, but yet I also want to exercise a couple times a week, make it to daily Mass twice a week, stay connected to friends, volunteer at school and church, keep up on household stuff including errands and healthy meals, get enough sleep, and above all, be a good Mom and wife once the family gets home! (As many of you know, between homework, projects and activities, that’s a whole afternoon and evening right there!) I know, that’s a ridiculous amount of items that I expect to happen each week. I often look at my to-do list and think, “Ten people couldn’t finish the list I’ve made for today!” So I’ve been trying to get even better at saying no, staying focused during my working hours, and at the end of the day, letting go of what didn’t get done. This will be a continual process for me, for sure.
But it’s still not easy.
My nature is not to sit. (Unless I have a great book in my hand.) My nature is to DO. Make it all happen, chop chop, get it all done, go go go! So this is a struggle for me. This morning I stared at the crucifix, and then doze off for a few seconds, and then refocus. I’d ask Jesus what He wants to say to me, and then my mind would wander to an exciting new project I’m working on for my business, and I’d get some clear ideas for how to make that more simple, but was that Him? Or was I off track again? I’d come back to Jesus and ask Him to forgive my wandering mind, and try again. Next thing I knew, it was time to start getting the kids up for school.
I’ll keep trying because I know without a doubt that’s what He wants me to do. I believe that He at least knows I’m trying, and I know that He’s right there with me, even if I don’t feel a thing.
I’d love to hear what your own struggles are in this area and maybe how you’ve grown and gotten better at it?!
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